Loving God

“It’s hard to love someone you never spend any time with.”  This was God’s answer to my wondering why I didn’t love Him as I ought to, not nearly as much as I loved my husband and our (then) infant son.

I was a busy young wife and mother who had never developed the self-discipline it took to get to know God, in spite of being a Christian since I was ten years old. I acknowledged that what God had said was true, and I purposed in my heart to change this.

At first, it was a matter of the will. I had plenty of other stuff I’d rather be doing! I felt guilty for having to make myself spend time with Him….for after all, wasn’t this highlighting the fact that it didn’t come naturally? Surely He knew? I know that I can tell if someone really wants to be with me or if they are just doing it out of a sense of duty. Who wants that, right? I knew what it felt like to feel unimportant and unnoticed by someone I loved, at the “bottom of their list” so to speak, so I determined that I would strive not to keep making that same mistake in my relationship with the Lord. He would be first.

I feel that I got it wrong far more often than I got it right, but when you commit to someone, you persevere. It’s like any relationship in that if someone is important to you, you put forth the effort and invest the time to develop that relationship. It’s sort of awkward at first, as any “getting to know each other” stage is. As time goes on, sometimes you feel you have run out of things to talk about, and sometimes you come to think you know all there is to know about that person. Sometimes you even get angry with them when you don’t understand what’s going on. Then, out of the clear blue, you are surprised anew by fresh insights into their personalities that you never suspected existed. If this is true of human relationships, how much more true is it of One who is Omnipotent and Omniscient! He never runs out of new surprises and depths!

I was reminded this week of how, all those years ago, I started out with just the commitment to the relationship. My main interest in a relationship with God was because I knew it would benefit me, so I thought it a worthwhile endeavor.  I wanted joy and peace….protection for myself and my family….wisdom to live right….and last, but not least, I wanted to go to Heaven and not Hell when I died. I wanted “fire insurance” as it has been called. As I strived to be faithful to that commitment, selfish though my motives may have been, it progressed to real interest in the relationship and the Person. Interest progressed to true fellowship, with all the giving and sharing that involves. Fellowship progressed to my own dependency and need….in a good way! When you’ve found that once-in-a-lifetime friend, you sort of miss them when they’re not around, and you find yourself needing them and looking forward to the next time you will be together. When you’re involved with Someone who is totally committed to you, everlastingly faithful, and who loves you to distraction….well, that leads to joy and trust. When you know that Someone gave His life for you, that leads to humility and gratefulness. Of course, the end result of this journey is love…which was the Lord’s desire all along.

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.” (Deuteronomy 6:5; Matthew 22:37)

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